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Dating etiquette... When should I call and should I leave a message?

Question:

I’m a 24 year old guy. After many years in "the scene", and in & out of short term relationships, the item that always puzzled me the most about dating was phone and message etiquette.

How long do you wait to call for a date after you get her number? If she asks for your number first, but you both exchange numbers, should you wait for her to call? Should you leave a phone message if she is not in? If you leave a message and she doesn’t call back, do you call again? If so, how long do you wait before calling back? Do you always call her, or should you expect her to call sometimes?

Usually if I don’t get a call back from my initial call, I assume they’re not interested, but have found a few situations where that wasn’t the case. How is one to tell, by not returning the first call, if someone isn’t interested, or is interested and just being shy or coy, and waiting to see if you’ll be persistent and call again.

I’m always concerned that if I call again, and she’s not interested, I’ll seem like a "stalker" :) Any tips or hints would be appreciated. Thanks.

Answer:

If a woman *wants* to get together with you for a date, and she’s a good prospect, she isn’t going to play games with you or waste any time. She’s going to get together with you so she can see if she can have any kind of a relationship with you.

That being said, here’s how to handle the first phone call with class, style and dignity.

When you exchange numbers ask her, When is a good time for me to call? and let that be your guideline. That way you’ll have a good chance of getting her when she’s home, rather than playing hit and miss.

After you’ve met, wait at least two days, but no longer than a week, for your first call.

If you call the next day, it makes you look desperate. If you wait longer than a week, it looks like you don’t care. Neither is good.

If you call and get her roommate, leave your name, phone number and where you met and ask her when she’s usually home. If she doesn’t call you back in two days, call again. Then keep calling until you either get her or lose interest.

Just because you leave a message with a roommate doesn’t mean she got it. The same holds true for answering machines. The only way you will *know* she got your message is when you actually talk with her on the phone and she tells you she got your message. Until then, assume she didn’t get it.

The reason most (not all) women ask for your phone number is because it’s an excellent way to test a man. If you won’t give her your number, why not? What are you trying to hide? Other women ask for your number because they have every intention of calling you if they don’t hear from you.

If you’ve asked for her number and told her you’d call, for you not to call just makes you look bad...

Should you wait for her to call you? That depends entirely on your personal tastes. But if you’ve asked for her number and told her you’d call, for you not to call just makes you look bad because you’ve shown her you don’t keep your word. Not a good way to start a relationship.

Whether she calls you on a regular basis or not is entirely dependent on what you’re both comfortable with. Ask her how she feels about calling a guy and tell her how you feel. That’s all part of establishing a relationship. If she never calls you, or is uncomfortable calling you (and it’s important to you that she calls once in a while), take it as an early warning you won’t get along and move on to another woman.

Good luck and God Bless.