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I feel as if i’m getting a mixed message

Question:

I am presently seeing this 28 year old woman who we will call Ingrid, let me give you some background.

Two years ago a friend of mine (a woman) introduced me to Ingrid because we both wanted to meet new people. Ingrid is divorced (five years now) so am I. She was in the habit of visiting my home but we were just friends we were never physical with each other, we never even went on a date we just used to talk and watch TV.

This went on for a few months and one day we had a big argument, I actually threw her out of my house and I didn’t see her again until six months ago. I didn’t expect her to say anything but we exchanged hellos and to my surprise she said that she would like to go out on dates this time. We have gone to movies and dinners for the past six months but we have never kissed. She only allows the cheek, however, at the movies she lays her legs across mine and she asks me to massage her legs.

She comes to my home and lays across my bed but she doesn’t allow any further! Is she interested in sex or not? I feel as if i’m getting a mixed message from Ingrid. I know she’s not the type to give up sex right away, which I prefer, bit it’s been six months and two years before that, that she’s known me.

How should I play my cards?

Answer:

One of the many lessons I learned about women when I worked at Chippendales is: If a woman wants to have sex with you she’ll make it very easy for you to do so. If she doesn’t want to have sex with you she’ll make it very difficult for you to do so.

You’ve known this woman for a long time. She’s definitely giving you mixed signals. You can spend hours trying to analyze why she’s giving you mixed signals and probably never figure it out. The bottom line is the "Why" doesn’t matter. What matters is you’re not getting what you want from the relationship.

The first question you should ask yourself with any person you want to get involved with is: What do you want from the potential relationship? A friend, a lover, a wife? If you don’t know what you’re looking for, you can hardly be upset if you don’t get it.

Once you’ve decided what you want, then spend most of your time getting the answers to these four questions:

1) Can this woman give you what you want? 2) Will she give you what you want? 3) How much of it can she give you? 4) What do you have to go through to get it?

If she can’t or won’t give you what you want, why stick around?

Why waste precious time on her, only to be frustrated in the end. Time you could have invested in someone else who would gladly give you what you want and you could both be happy, instead of going through mental, sexual and emotional battle. Ben Franklin said, "Don’t waste time, it’s the stuff life is made of."

The way to get someone to stop playing games with you is for you not to play games with them. This forces them to stop playing games with you or leave you alone. Tell them honestly what you want.

In your case, the next time she gives you a sexual signal like laying across your bed or asking you to massage her legs, the way to end the game is to ask her nicely but directly, "Are you interested in having sex with me?" This cuts through the games fast. If she says yes, enjoy yourselves.

If she says no, you have every right to ask her, "Then why are you giving me mixed signals?" Your attitude and tone should be unemotional and one of honestly asking for information.

Life is too short for second best.

Good luck and God Bless.