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How do I help others get past my disability so we can date?

Question:

I am a woman with a disability yet am independent, healthy and intelligent. How do I help others get past my limitations to see the real me? Honesty seems to send them running! Not sharing is deceptive to them and demeaning to me.

Answer:

You didn’t mention whether your disability was mental, emotional or physical so let me tell you a true story about a woman who had a physical disability and what she told me she did about it to find a man who cared about her and loved her for who she was, not who she wasn’t.

One of the sexiest women I ever dated was missing a leg. I asked her how she became so sexy. "I did it after I lost my leg. First, I had to accept myself. That gave me peace of mind."

"Second, I had to love myself. Not a narcissistic love, a genuine self love. Then I cared about myself and my self image soared and I knew I deserved to be happy in my relationships, with or without a leg."

"Third, I concentrated on what I had, not on what I didn’t have. I stopped saying, ’I’m a woman with a missing leg’ and I started saying, ’I’m a good lover, I love satisfying a man, I love being with men, I’m a good mate, a good cook, a good mother for any children we have. I’m a good catch by the standards of any man who wants a good, positive, healthy relationship.’"

"Fourth, I love sex and I love men. It shows and they know it."

A disability is all a state of mind. Besides, no one is perfect...

"Fifth, because I liked myself, I started attracting men who liked themselves and who liked women."

"Sixth, I knew I could satisfy a man and that gave me confidence."

"Seventh, I realized guys who want a relationship, not just sex, really don’t care about a woman’s physical beauty beyond basic hygiene. They just want to be happy. They want someone to care about them, someone they can talk with, someone they can have fun with. I have all of those qualities."

"Eighth, I was honest with prospective men about my disability because honesty is a powerful tool. It gets rid of the bad prospects - quickly, effectively and thoroughly."

"One of the most important things I learned is before THEY could get past my disability, I had to get past it. As long as I thought it was a problem, it was. When it wasn’t to me, it wasn’t to them. I knew I didn’t need a left leg to satisfy a man. When it was no longer an issue to me, it wasn’t an issue to them. It’s like an overweight person. If they’re uptight about their weight, so will other people be. If they’re not uptight and accept themselves, so will other people. A disability is all a state of mind. Besides, no one is perfect, so I don’t try to be. I just be myself."

"I completely accepted myself as I was and I knew I didn’t need a leg to satisfy a man. I knew I could satisfy him with what I had. Any guy who was offended by my missing leg, I didn’t waste my time on."

I learned a lot from her and I hope you will, too. When you look past the disability, then they will, too. The guys who rejected you because of your disability did you a favor. They’re telling you they don’t see the real you and are not interested in the real you.

Good luck and God Bless.