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I find myself attracted only to very beautiful women.

Question:

I read all your articles and find your advice to be right on the money.

I have a problem. Even though I am no Chippendales dancer I find myself attracted only to very beautiful women. There is this girl I know who is smart, funny, has a good job and is a good person. She wants to go out with me but I simply find her too heavy. Am I a jerk for feeling this way? I really do not think I am too good for her, I am far from physically perfect myself.

If I could turn a switch in my head that made me attracted to heavy girls I would flip it. Frankly I don’t do too well going after the beauty queens, (I am not rich either). I know my desires are shallow but I just don’t know what to do about them.

Thanks in advance.

Ashamed for being shallow.

Answer:

Let me answer you this way. The only tried and true method I know of to guarantee you’ll have sex with a beautiful woman every time you get together with her is to go to a prostitute. So, if having sex with a beautiful woman is that important to you, this will solve your problem.

Since you have no control over what kind of a woman turns you on sexually I think what you really want to learn are two things:

First, how to deal with rejection rather than how to flip an invisible switch that will change your sexual preferences from beautiful women to full figured ones.

Second, how to appreciate and enjoy what is available to you rather than what isn’t.

Whether you like it or not you’ll get rejected most of your life, just like everyone else, male and female. And you won’t just be rejected by women you’d like to have sex with. You’ll be rejected in job offers, salary increases, requests for credit, etc.

Rejection is a fact of life, just like birth, taxes and death. Since it’s a fact of life, you can either adjust to it or you can bang your head against the wall, shake your fist at God and claim, "This is so unfair!" Like the rest of us, I think you’ve already found out the second option doesn’t provide any tangible results other than venting frustration.

Since everyone deals with rejection differently, the way you deal with it personally in terms of being rejected by beautiful women depends on how you deal with rejection in other areas.

To help you deal with rejection, let’s change your desire to have sex with beautiful women to a desire to have a Mercedes Benz automobile. Your average Mercedes is going to cost around $85,000, give or take ten grand.

You look at your budget. You know in your heart all you can afford is a Honda... on payments. You also realize, understand and accept that, based on your current income, you could never afford repairs, maintenance or insurance for a Mercedes.

Several years ago I was talking with a guy who owned a Mercedes. Someone bumped into his car and broke his left taillight. He said to get the taillight repaired cost him $250.00. For a taillight. He said, "Owning a Mercedes isn’t worth the hassle. The fantasy and the reality of this car are two different things." I took it to heart.

Anyway, how do you deal with the knowledge you honestly can’t afford a Mercedes? What specific processes went through your mind? One of the things that probably went through your mind was what I call ego stabilization.

By that I mean no matter how great you think you are, or how deserving you feel you may be, the real world put you back in your place and gave you a reality check. You eventually accept it, adjust to it and learn to appreciate and enjoy your Honda. You also learn rather quickly that a Honda can take you to the exact same places a Mercedes can take you to.

You can go into a Mercedes dealership, test drive the car, get their full color catalogue and fantasize about all the fun you’ll have in that car. The status, the envy of your friends and foes alike, the whole nine yards. If you do, all this will do is reinforce your frustration that you can’t have a Mercedes and rub it in your face.

The bottom line is you can fantasize all you want but you will never own a Mercedes. It doesn’t matter how badly you want it, you aren’t going to get it and somehow you’ve dealt with it, accepted that your desires, no matter how strong, will be rejected by the car dealership simply because you don’t have what they want. In this case, it’s more money. You can tell them how nice of a guy you are, how you’ll take such good care of the car, how badly you want it, and give them a grocery list of other reasons they should sell it to you at a price you can afford but their final answer will still be no. And, in your heart, you know it.

The process you used to accept that rejection is the same process you use to accept being rejected by beautiful women you’d like to have sex with. Whatever these beautiful woman want from a man in a romantic relationship you simply do not have.

How do you learn to appreciate and enjoy what you have rather than complain about what you don’t have? If you go with out food long enough, any food will look good and taste great once you eat it. If you were put in prison for ten years and had no contact with women, and then this full figured woman was presented to you, I think you’d get down on your knees and thank God for your good fortune.

The beautiful women are the Mercedes and your full figured female friend is the Honda. You can deprive yourself of the love, friendship, caring, companionship, sex, and affection all you want and have nothing because you can’t afford the Mercedes or you can enjoy the Honda.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying you have to go out with the full figured woman. What I am saying is find a woman who will appreciate what you have to offer.

...stick to your own league. You’ll be a lot happier in the long run.

Having a fantasy is great so keep your subscription to Playboy and Penthouse and enjoy the centerfold as much as you want. And keep your Mercedes catalogue. I don’t mean to sound unkind, but stick to your own league. You’ll be a lot happier in the long run. I’ve had sex with beautiful women and plain women. I hate to shatter your fantasy, but once you’re inside of them, it’s what they know how to do, rather than what they look like, that brings pleasure.

It’s ironic women generally want a guy with a lot of money and guys generally want a beautiful woman. Both think these things will make them happy. Both are wrong. I teach my students happiness comes from being loved, cared for, understood and accepted unconditionally. It has nothing to do with beauty or money.

But trying to tell that to someone who has a closed mind and is convinced otherwise is a waste of time. I hope you don’t fall into the closed mind category. Your life is at stake. Please choose wisely.

Good luck and God Bless.